funny jokes
A woman in crowd at a political rally where Sir Winston Churchill is speaking shouted “You mongrel! Churchill, if you were my husband, I’d put rat poison in your tea”
Churchill replied “And if you were my wife, Ma’am I’d drink it happily!
short funny jokes
“I can’t find the cause of your illness,” said the doctor, “But, I think it may be due to drinking,”
“In that case,” replied the young beautiful blonde woman, “I shall come back when you are not drunk”





witty funny jokes
A Texas rancher and his wife were at a fancy restaurant.
When the waiter asked for their order, the rancher said, “I’ll have a big, thick, porterhouse steak.”
The waiter looked surprised as people were afraid to eat steak as mad cow disease was in news at that time
“Sir? You don’t care about mad cow?”
Looking at his wife, the rancher coolly replied, “Oh, she can order herself”
short funny jokes
A blond woman calls airlines office and asks, “How long does it take to fly to New York?”
Receptionist: “Just a sec”
Blond woman: “Oh my god, that’s really fast, thanks”


humorous funny jokes
Two construction workers were talking. “Hey, Billy! Since when did you start wearing an earring?”
Billy smiled. “Ever since my wife found it in our bed!”
short funny jokes
At the wedding reception, it was the groom’s turn to speak.
He turned to his new father-in-law and began, “You’ve given me a gift that…”
As he paused to carefully choose his words, his father-in-law interjected, “…that you can’t return!”
hilarious funny jokes
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now!
short funny jokes
Patient: “Doc, My eyes are not what they use to be. I think I need glasses.”
Bank receptionist: “You sure do. This is a bank! Doctor’s office is next door”
witty funny jokes
A young blonde woman walking on the riverbank wants to go to the other side and couldn’t find out any bridge nearby to cross.
Luckily, she saw another blond young woman on the other side and shouted to her “Hi missy, how can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde women shouted back “You ARE on the other side”
First blonde replied back “gee, thanks, I thought your side is other side”
short funny jokes
Once, when British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli was addressing the House of Lords, a member interrupted him and shouted, “You, sir, are either mad or diseased!”
Disraeli stared him down and calmly replied, “That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress!”
humorous funny jokes
Interviewer: Where you were born?
Candidate: Texas
Interviewer: Which part?
Candidate: The whole body
short funny jokes
The family has gathered in the lawyer's office for the reading of Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife, Esther, I leave our house, all our land, and $1 million. To my son, Barry, I leave my Lexus, the Jaguar, and $500,000. And to my brother-in-law, Jeff, who always insisted to me that health is better than wealth, I leave my exercise equipment!"
witty funny jokes
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire talking.
One of them said, “I hate my mother-in-law.”
The other one said, “Why dont you try the potatoes”
short funny jokes
A villager’s wife got a stroke and he called for an ambulance.
The operator asked his address.
Village man replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
“Can you spell that for me?”
There was a long pause.
“How ‘bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?”
humorous funny jokes
A robber jumped on a well-dressed man and held a gun to his head.
“Give me your money!” he demanded.
The man said indignantly, “You know who am I? I’m a Congressman!”
“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”
short funny jokes
Client: How much will you charge for answering two questions?
Lawyer: Two hundred dollors. What is the second question?
hilarious funny jokes
A man called a hotel. "How much is a room?"
The clerk said, "200 dollars for double bedroom and two can stay. You need to pay by cash or credit card"
"How about kids?" asked the man, hoping that kids can stay free.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "we accept cash or credit card only"
short funny jokes
Patient: "Doc, Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
Doc: "I will, but it costs 10 thousand"
Patient walked out as he is too poor to pay that amount.
Months later when patient met doctor on the road, he told him” My bartender cured me for ten rupees”
Doc asked, hiding his surprise "Is that so? May I ask exactly how a bartender cured you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off my bed!"
witty funny jokes
A father of five won a toy in a game. When he got home, he called all the children together to determine which one got the toy.
"Okay, who's the most obedient? Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" he asked. All five small voices responded to him in unison, "You, Daddy!"
short funny jokes
The family has gathered in the lawyer's office for the reading of Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife, Esther, I leave our house, all our land, and $1 million. To my son, Barry, I leave my Lexus, the Jaguar, and $500,000. And to my brother-in-law, Jeff, who always insisted to me that health is better than wealth, I leave my exercise equipment!"
witty funny jokes
A man went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I think my brother's crazy. He claims he's a chicken." The doctor said, "You need to keep him in hospital for week. We need to put him under observation" The man replied, "I would, but you have to promise that you will return to us any eggs he might lay while he stays here!"